The Pope, the Democrat and the Republicans :-)

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska. He was cruising along the campground in the 'Popemobile' when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Obama' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing 'Go Sarah!' shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The other two men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed.

"I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true!"

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who was that guy?"

"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all kinds of wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have a lot of wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is our bait still alive or do we need to go back to California and get another one...?"

Sexy Thai Women

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai girl. I thought to myself, 'Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection.' But she did.

Our Maid is an Angel

Son: Mom do you know our maid is an angel?

Mom: Why do u think so ??

Son: I saw her naked with her hands on the wall screaming "Oh my God I'm coming!!"

If it wasn't for dad that was holding her tight from behind..she would have gone to heaven....

President

RELATIONSHIP LESSON: One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn't too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the P...resident's secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.

Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, "Why was he so interested in talking to you?" She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, "So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant?" Michelle responded, "No, if I had married him, he would now be the President."

Believe it or not, sometimes it's a woman that makes a man who he is.

To be members...

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."