On a signboard in Bihar

Bad Dinner!!!

Relationships

They left the best for the end...

Relationships


One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife
dressed
in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and
you can
do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

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**

A woman came home, screeching her car into the
driveway, and
ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted
at the
top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the
lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack,
beach stuff
or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just
get
out."

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**

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always
right, and the other is a husband.

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
**

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a
driver's
license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The
optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
**
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said
to them,

"I must tell you all something. We have a case of
gonorrhea in
the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so
tired of
chardonnay."

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
**
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my
GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!
TURN
THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we
going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you
LOST your
mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always
forget to
salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"


The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong
with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you
what it
feels like when I'm driving."

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
***

The Ancient Code

Archaeologists exploring an ancient site discovered a hidden cave. Written across the wall of the cave, on a jutting out piece of stone, were the following symbols:

It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!

The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society pointed to the first drawing and said, "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey,
so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."

Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they sought food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left...It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick!'"

Christmas gifts

On the last day of school, just before the Christmas holidays were to begin, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers .

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.

The teacher lifted the box up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she guessed.

"No," the boy replied.

She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?"

"No," said the little boy.

"I give up," she said. "What is it?"

The boy replied, "It's a puppy."