Molly the Camel

A new Army Captain is assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert.

 

During his first inspection of the outfit, he notices a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

 

The nervous sergeant says, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly the camel."

 

The Captain says, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'

 

About a month later, the Captain begins to have his own 'urges'. Crazed with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

 

The Captain places a ladder against the camel's, climbs up it, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane sex with Molly.

 

When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, 'That was amazing! Is that how the men do it?'

 

'No sir," the Sergeant replies 'They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are.'

Sardarji returns

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?

Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status

Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

 

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..

Friend: How do u know?

Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

 

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!

Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

 

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?

Sardar: ZEBRA

Teacher: How?

Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

 

Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..

Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

 

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.

Manager: Do U know MS Office?

Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

 

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay.. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay... Bombay"

Air hostess said: "B silent."

Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

 

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA, RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"

Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

 

Sardar:Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?

Teacher: Me? No, why?

Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".

(Had never thought of it)

 

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?

Sardar: Color of Orange is Orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

The Nun and the Cabbie

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you've been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: No. 1, you have to be single and No. 2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party.'

Afraid of Satan?

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.

 

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

 

Everyone began to scream and run for the back entrance, nearly trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

 

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

 

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

 

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked..

 

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

 

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

 

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

 

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

 

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

 

'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.

 

'Nope,' said the old man.

 

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

 

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for forty-eight years.'

The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

 

INSTRUCTIONS 

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE.

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!



So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband…


On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1   These men have jobs and love the Lord.


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The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2   These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.


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The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3   These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going


*********

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4   These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5   These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:


*********

Floor 6   You are visitor No. 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!


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Send this to all the men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth !