WOMEN

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.  I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?' Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.' We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited.  She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.  I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.' I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.' Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?' Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either...

Typical

A New Organisational Chart

A New Organisational Chart

When top level guys look down, they see only shit;

When bottom level guys look up, they see only assholes...

Hus-Wife

Just got some forward from a pitiful husband! J

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Husband Aur Wife Hotel Me Gaye Tabhi 1 Lady Ne
Hello Kiya,
Wife- Koun Thi Wo?
Hus-Tum Dimag Kharab Mat Karo, Main Pehle Hi Pareshan Hu Ki Woh Bhi Yehi Puchegi

wife hit her husband with frying pan
Husband: What was that for.....?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket
with the name Jenny on it...
Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry..!
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..? Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.

Message of the year
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life...!!
Why? Very simple…
A woman does not have a wife....!!!

Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked"Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?"
Wife:"Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!"
Husband:"Bakri se hi poch raha hon"

Husband wife mein ladai ho gayi,
Husband ghar se chala gaya ,
Husb:Rat ko phone pay,"Khanay mein kya hai"
Wife:Zeher.
Husb:Mai dair se aoonga, tum kha kar so jana:

Man: Sir, my wife is missing.
Postmaster:bhai ye post office hai, police station me complain dijiyee.
Man:Kya karon, khushi k mare kuch samajh nahin aa raha

Why did u shoot ur wife ? This is the best......
Judge:why did u shoot ur wife, instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting
one man every week.

How women call their husband in first 6 years
How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1. Janu
Yr 2. O jee.
Yr 3. Sunte ho?
Yr 4. O bunty k pappa
Yr 5. Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6. Tum aate ho ya main aaon?

Wife: Jaanu kash aap SMS hotay, Main aap ko save karti,
Husband: Jaan-e-man, kaash tum ring tone hoti, Main her haftay tumhe
change karta

Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Mera husband ek hafte pehle aaloo lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaye:-(
Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:- to behan kuch or paka lo:-)

Husband:rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 chudeil kabhi mere agey
kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi,
Wife:Kaun si movie thi?
Husband:Apni shadi ki

Fwd: :Winners Do Things Differently

The Chicken Story...

Mirchandani lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day Mirchandani called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW:

SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Mirchandani called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW:

CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Mirchandani called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good.. Can I put up my own sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign.." He was going to let Mirchandani do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Mirchandani. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the Sheriff and he decided to give Mirchandani a call.. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And! not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign...

It might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to Mirchandani's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray painted on a sheet of wood....

NUDIST COLONY

Go slow and watch out for chicks!

Keep SmilingJ

WINNERS DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY!!