The Parking Space

A man was driving down a street to attend an important meeting. 

Try as he might, he could not find a parking spot. Desperately, he looked up towards heaven and said, "Lord, have pity on me. If you find me a parking space, I'll go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking."

Miraculously, a parking space appeared. 

The man looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

The Biker's Wish

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach, when suddenly the sky clouded over above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." 

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic! Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time.

Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "Yeah...you want two lanes or four on that bridge?" 

Not just in India - London too!

 

 

Grounds for divorce?

Punjabi woman to her mother: 'I'm divorcing Kuldip. All he wants is anal sex and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent coin, when it used to be the size of a 5 cent coin!

Mother: 'You're married to a millionaire lawyer, you live in an 8 bedroom mansion in Canada, you drive a Mercedes 300SEL... You get $10,000 a week allowance, you take 6 vacations a year...and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents? 

The Priest at the Races

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.

 

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track.

 
Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

 
Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

 
Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.

 
Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.

By and by, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

 
True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day.

 
Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.
 
Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was standing.

 
Confronting the old priest he demanded, "Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings - all of it."

The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. "Son," he said, "that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites."