Quote of the day

Quote of the day :

"Learn to be happy with small things in life, because the big ones, are usually artificial."-

Pamela Anderson

To Keep A Rabbi :-D

To Keep A Rabbi 

This is a story about a popular young Rabbi who, on Sabbath Eve, announces to his congregation that he will not renew his contract. He explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. 

There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.
 
Sol Epstein, who owns a couple of Toyota and Lexus dealerships in the city stands up and proclaims: "If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Lexus every year and his wife with a Toyota Sienna to transport their children!" 

The congregation sighs in appreciation, and applauds.
 
Sam Goldstein, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says: If the Rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!!" 

More sighs and loud applause.
 
Sadie Goldfarb, age 88, stands and announces with a smile: "If the Rabbi stays, I will give him sex!"

 

There is total silence. 

The Rabbi, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?"
 
Sadie's 90 year old husband Jacob is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side as his wife replies: "Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, "F*ck the Rabbi!"

TATA Nano

A man went to a RED LIGHT AREA.
The Pimp had named the sex
workers using car brands...
Pimp: "Kya loge saab?
BMW-8000/-
Mercedes-5000/-
Innova-2000/-
Safari-1000/-
Swift-500/-
Tata Nano-100/-
Man ordered NANO and was
shocked to see a GAY... "Oye! Ye kya
hai?"
Pimp : "Saab ye NANO hai, Iska
engine piche hai...!

Men & Women

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.

E-bay

Warning about e-bay

Be careful what you buy on eBay. If you buy stuff online, check out the seller carefully.

A friend has just spent Rs.4,500 plus Tax on a penis enlarger. The bastards sent him a  magnifying glass!!!

The only instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight.