The Dentist's Appointment

Scrooge phones a dentist to enquire about the cost of a tooth extraction.

 

"It's 5000 pounds for an extraction, sir," the dentist replies.

 

"5000 pounds! " Scrooge exclaims. "Have you not got anything cheaper?"

 

"That's the normal charge," says the dentist.

 

"What if you didn't use any anaesthetic?"

 

"That's unusual sir… I could do it and knock 1500 off - but it would be quite painful."

 

"What about if you used one of your dentist trainees and still didn't use an anaesthetic?"

 

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it will still be extremely painful, but the price could drop to 2000 pounds".

 

"How about if you make it a training session, and your student does the extraction with the other students watching and learning?

 

"It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist, "but you must understand that it's going to be very traumatic as well as really, really painful. But I'll charge you 500."

 

"Ah, now you're talking! It's a deal," said Scrooge. "Can you confirm an appointment for my wife next Tuesday then?"

Oye balle balle!

Sardar and the Police

Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha ha ha ha!
Police: Kyon hans rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subah 9 baje hun!

Sardar and Home

Man: Sardarji, aapko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC ke paas jaake baithh jaata hun.
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun!

Sardar and Prayer

A sardar prays daily for two hours: "He Vahe Guru, meri lottery laga de."
11 years of praying later, an annoyed Vahe Guru appears and says,"Khoti de puttar, ek vari ticket to le le!"

Sardar and Hitler

 

Hitler: There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary.
Sardar: Ab bolne se kya faayda? Jab kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na!"  

 

IT Support

LETTER TO IT TECHNICAL SUPPORT

 

 

Dear Tech Support,

 

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

 

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as News 5.0,   Money 3.0 and Cricket 4.1.

 

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

 

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

 

What can I do?

 

Signed,

A Disgruntled Female Customer

 

 

 

REPLY FROM IT TECHNICAL SUPPORT

 

 

Dear Madam,

 

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

 

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update in conjunction with these.

 

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

 

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

 

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances install Mother-in-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

 

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

 

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

 

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

 

Good luck Madam!

Tech Support Team

Old Timer

Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around at a supermarket, when they collide.

Old timer : 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going'.

Young guy : 'That's okay. That's a coincidence, though I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

Old timer : 'Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?'

Young guy : 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a red halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?'

Old timer : 'Doesn't matter - let's look for yours.'

Afraid of Satan?

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone began to scream and run for the back entrance, nearly trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked..

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for forty-eight years.'