Sarah Pipalini

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be."

The nuns look excitedly at each other. "Oh my!" the first nun says, "I want to go back as Sophia Loren!" Poof! She disappears.

The second nun steps forward. "I want to be Madonna!" she says and - poof! - she's gone too.

It's the turn of the third nun. She can hardly contain herself. "I want to be Sarah Pipalini!" she beams.

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Er...who?" he asks.

"Sarah Pipalini!" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun takes a newspaper out of her habit pocket and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads
the paper and rolls his eyes. He hands it back to her and sighs. "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

The ever-diligent Elmer Fudd

serena's reincarnation

Serena was one of those UGLY women - so ugly, it hurt. She had never had a boyfriend. Having tried everything else, she finally went to a psychic for help.

"Honey," said the psychic. "You will not have luck in love in this life. But in your reincarnation, you will be a much desired woman and all men will fall at your feet!".

Serena left very happy and excited, and as she went over a bridge she thought, "The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins..." She decided to jump off the bridge right away.

But incredibly Serena didn't die!

She fell onto the back of a truck full of bananas; she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, not knowing where she was, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, she began touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas. Slowly a smile of delight spread on her face and she mumbled,

"Gentlemen, please! One at a time!"

smart beggar?

Ahmed and Hamid were both beggars at several motorway services.

Ahmed drove a Mercedes, lived in a mortgage free house and had a lot of money to spend .

But Hamid brought in only 2 to 3 pounds a day. Curious, Hamid asked Ahmed how he managed to bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day, day after day.

"Look at your sign," Ahmed said. "It says, 'I have no work, a wife and six kids to support'.
Britons who see that don't feel as if they have accomplished anything by giving you money. You will still have no job and a large family. Now look at my sign."

Hamid looked and Ahmed's sign read:

"I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan."

Jim & Edna

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient. I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind.

"The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"