Monday, October 01, 2007
click to view animationTennis balls
One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling.
"What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.
"Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back.
"Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."
Toast of the night
Scotsman John was spending his usual night in the pub with his mates. He hoisted his beer up in the air and said, "Here's to spendin' the rest o' me life, between the legs o' me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the nigh'!"
Mary raised her eyebrows. "Aye, did ye now! And wha' was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spendin' the rest o' me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, aye, tha' is very nice indee', John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other nigh' at the pub wi' a toast abou' you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bi' surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I ha' to pull him by the ears to make him move faster."
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the nigh'!"
Mary raised her eyebrows. "Aye, did ye now! And wha' was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spendin' the rest o' me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, aye, tha' is very nice indee', John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other nigh' at the pub wi' a toast abou' you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bi' surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I ha' to pull him by the ears to make him move faster."
Sarah Pipalini
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be."
The nuns look excitedly at each other. "Oh my!" the first nun says, "I want to go back as Sophia Loren!" Poof! She disappears.
The second nun steps forward. "I want to be Madonna!" she says and - poof! - she's gone too.
It's the turn of the third nun. She can hardly contain herself. "I want to be Sarah Pipalini!" she beams.
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Er...who?" he asks.
"Sarah Pipalini!" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun takes a newspaper out of her habit pocket and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads
the paper and rolls his eyes. He hands it back to her and sighs. "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
the paper and rolls his eyes. He hands it back to her and sighs. "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
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