Sardar handyman

A Sardar, recently arrived in the US , wants to earn some money and decides to become a handyman. He wanders out to an upmarket
residential area nearby and knocks on the first door he sees.

The owner opens the door. The Sardarji is delighted to see that he is an Indian too, and asks him if he has any odd jobs that he could give him to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch", the owner says. "How much will you charge?"

The Sardar ponders and then says, "How about $50?"

"Fine", the owner says. "There's a can of brown paint and brushes in the garage."

The owner's wife, overhearing the conversation from inside the house, asks her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all around the house? That's a whole day's job."

The man replies, "He should, he was standing on it! Do you think he's dumb?"

"No", the wife said, "I don't think so. I guess I'm just influenced by those stupid Sardar e-mail jokes we keep receiving."

A short while later, the Sardar comes to the door and asks for the $50.

"You've finished already?" the husband asks, surprised.

"Yes," he replies, "and there was paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reaches into his pocket for the money and hands it to the Sardar.

"Thank you! And by the way," the Sardar adds, "it's not a Porch, it's a BMW!

Happy Diwali!!!

www.wsdindia.org

The new stud rooster

A Florida chicken farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud

rooster from up in Canada for his chicken coop.

Once at the farm, the new rooster strutted over to the old rooster and
said,  "OK old hack, time for you to retire."  The old rooster
replied, "Come on, surely you can't handle ALL of these chickens. Look
what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over
in the corner?"

But the young rooster said, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking
over."

The old rooster hesitated. "Tell you what, young stud. I'll race you
around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the
entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughed raucously."Sure!" he cackled. "But you know
you don't stand a chance, old cock. So just to be fair, I'll give you
a head start."

They paced themselves and the old rooster took off running. About 15
seconds later the young rooster took off running after him.

By the time they had rounded the front porch of the farmhouse, the
young rooster had closed the gap. He was only about five feet behind
the old rooster and gaining fast. The  farmer, meanwhile, was sitting
in his usual spot on the front porch when he saw the roosters running
by, the old rooster squawking and running as hard as he could.

Quick as a flash, the farmer grabbed his shotgun and - BOOM! - blew
the young rooster to bits.

He shook his head sadly. "Darn!" he said, "What the hell is it with
these birds....that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month!"

Fred and Mary's first night

Fred and Mary got married but couldn''t afford a honeymoon, so they went back to Fred's mom and dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, got up and had his breakfast. As he was going out the door to go to school, he asked his mom if Fred and Mary were up yet.

"No," she replied,

"Do you know what I think?" Johnny asked.

His mom replied, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny came home for lunch and asked his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replied, "No."

Johnny said, "Do you know what I think?"

"Never mind what you think!" His mom replied. "Eat your lunch and go back to school!"

After school, Johnny came home and asked again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom said, "No."

He asked, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom sighed. "Okay, okay, tell me what you think."

Johnny said, "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."