Relationships

They left the best for the end...

Relationships


One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife
dressed
in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and
you can
do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

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A woman came home, screeching her car into the
driveway, and
ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted
at the
top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the
lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack,
beach stuff
or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just
get
out."

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always
right, and the other is a husband.

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a
driver's
license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The
optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said
to them,

"I must tell you all something. We have a case of
gonorrhea in
the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so
tired of
chardonnay."

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my
GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!
TURN
THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we
going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you
LOST your
mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always
forget to
salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"


The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong
with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you
what it
feels like when I'm driving."

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