Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
Humour,Jokes, riddles.
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
Iranian president Mahmud Ahmadinejad calls President Obama and tells him, "Barack, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner."
"What did it say on the banners?" Obama asks.
Mahmud replies, "UNITED STATES OF IRAN."
Obama says, "You know, Mahmud, I am really happy you called, because believe it or not, last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran, and it was more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous banner."
"What did it say on the banners?" Mahmud asks.
Obama replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."
HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: Sure, you’ll have the pleasure, but what’s in it for me?
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I don’t know…I must have been given your share.
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry, I'm planning to have a headache this weekend.
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay….Get out!
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
HE: Could I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you have one of your own?
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, just plain bad luck.
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes. That’s why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and mine will be too if you sit down.
HE: Shall we go and see a movie?
SHE: I've seen them all.
HE: You’ve seen ALL the movies?
SHE: Yep. I’m a big movie buff.
Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
However, the next morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but Ah’s got some bad news fer yeh. Yer donkey died."
"Oh…" Chuck said. "Well then, just give me my money back."
"Ah’s can't do that," the farmer said. "Ah’s went and spent it already."
"Okay then," Chuck replied, "Just bring me the dead donkey."
"What yeh gonna do with him?" the farmer asked suspiciously.
"I'm going to raffle him off," Chuck said.
The farmer gaped at him. "Yeh can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
"Sure I can," Chuck said. "Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that there dead donkey?"
Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."
The farmer was astonished. "Didn't nobody complain?" he asked.
Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Chuck now works for Wall Street.