Unused car!

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.

They looked like they were dressed in their Sunday best. They smiled sweetly as the patrolman approached them.

The patrolman asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

'Heavens no!' said one little old lady, patting her hair. 'We bought it.'

'Then why don't you drive it away?'

'We can't drive,' said the other little old lady, her cheeks flushing pink.

Then why did you buy it?'

The two little old ladies looked at each other in excitement.

'We were told that if we bought a used car here we'd get screwed. We've been sitting here all evening."

WOMEN !!

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic ;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

to surround himself with intelligent people

While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate. "

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister.
Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam. He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr.President..
Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon returning to Washington , decides he'd better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over thequestion for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our
Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan Singh !"

:)) :))

Talking Irish Clock

Proudly showing off his newly-leased apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk Irish lad led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.

'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friends asked.

'Issss nod a gong… Issss a talkin' Irish clock' he slurred drunkenly.

'A talking Irish clock…naw…seriously?'

'Yup…hmmm (hic!).'

'How does it work then?' the second friend asked, squinting at it.

'Just watch,' he said.

He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering bash and stepped back.

His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.

Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed,

'For f*#k's sake, you stupid w#%ker! It's ten past three in the f*#king morning!!!'

Kashmir

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United
Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about?
The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.
'And they say Kashmir belongs to them...............................................