Poor little rich kid

An Arab student sends an email to his dad

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I like it here. But Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college in my pure gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your loving son,

Nasser

  

  

The next day, Nasser receives a reply to his email from his dad

Dear son,

I have just had twenty million US dollars transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.

Your loving

Dad

Divorced Barbie

A father gets off work and on his way home, suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. 

He pulls over to a toy shop and enters the doll section.

'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' he asks the sales person. 

The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, sir? We have Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95.'

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?!! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?' 

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's computer, one of Ken's friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.'

Zardari jokes

1. Scratch and win

lllllllllllll
lllllllllli
llllllllri
lllllari
lllardari
Zardari
Mubarak ho, aapka KUTTA nikla hai.
(Congratulations. It's a dog.)

2. Long lines

A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line.
"Did you manage to kill him?" everyone asks.
"No, that line is longer than this one," he replies.

3. Robber meets Zardari

Robber: "Give me all your money!"
Zardari: "Don't you know who I am? I am Asif Ali Zardari!"
Robber: "Okay. Give me all my money."

4. TV anchor announcement

Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Zardari and are demanding $5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have donated five litres."

5. Postmaster General announcement

To commemorate the ascension to the Presidency, Pakistan Post has officially launched a new stamp. But the people of Pakistan are confused as to which side of the stamp to spit on.

6. Genie meets Pakistani

Genie to Pakistani: Order me, my master. What is your wish?
Pakistani to genie: Bring me all the wealth in the Swiss bank.
Genie: I'm a genie, not Zardari.

7. Two dogs

Upset with Zardari, his dog jumped into a dirty sewer.
Said it's not fair for two dogs to live under one roof.

8. Pakistani meets American

Pakistani to American: What do you guys do with thieves?
American: We treat them humanely and give them nice food, warm clothes and long jury trials.
Pakistani: That's nothing. We give them the presidency.

9. Announcement In Zardari's official airplane

Mr. President , We are about to land. Could you please put Sherry Rehman (former Information Minister) in an upright position. Thank you.

 

Fw: The Bagpiper

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.  I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.  I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.  I played out my heart and soul for this poor, homeless man with no family and friends.  I played like I've never played before.

As I played 'Amazing Grace', the workers began to weep.  They wept, I wept, we all wept together.  When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.  Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Why can't men just ask for directions?                             

British opinion

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'

The Marine walked the entire length of the train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 

He tried again. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'

She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.'