Toast of the night

Scotsman John was spending his usual night in the pub with his mates. He hoisted his beer up in the air and said, "Here's to spendin' the rest o' me life, between the legs o' me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the nigh'!"

Mary raised her eyebrows. "Aye, did ye now! And wha' was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spendin' the rest o' me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, aye, tha' is very nice indee', John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other nigh' at the pub wi' a toast abou' you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bi' surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I ha' to pull him by the ears to make him move faster."