Christmas gifts

On the last day of school, just before the Christmas holidays were to begin, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers .

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.

The teacher lifted the box up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she guessed.

"No," the boy replied.

She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?"

"No," said the little boy.

"I give up," she said. "What is it?"

The boy replied, "It's a puppy."

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Poster on the ceiling of the smoking room of a Mumbai IT firm

At the psychotherapist's

A couple went to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Would you watch us have sex, for your expert analysis?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."

He charged them 300 dollars and the couple thanked him and left.

The next week, they were back.

"Would you watch us have sex again please?" the man asked.

The doctor agreed and the couple made love on the couch, thanked him for his positive opinion, paid him 300 bucks and left.

This happened several weeks in a row.

Finally the doctor couldn't contain his curiosity.

"Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" he asked.

"Oh, we're not trying to find out anything. ," the man said. " She's married and we can't go to her house; I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Oberoi charges $2500 for a room, the Hyatt charges $2000, Le Meridian charges $1500. We do it here for $300, and I get that back from medical insurance."

Ma's opinion

A young indian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he's going to get married.

He says, "Ma, I'm going to bring over three women this evening. Try and guess which one I'm going to marry!"

"Alright," his mother says.

That evening, the young man brings three beautiful women over to his house and sits them down on the couch. He introduces them to his mother and the women chat for a while.

Meeting over, the girls leave and the young man hurries into the kitchen to his mother. "Okay Ma," he says, "Which one am I going to marry?"

"The one on the right," she replies.

The young man is thrilled. "Wow, that's amazing, Ma! how did you know?"
His mother replies, stone-facedly, "I didn't like her."

Lucky night

A guy walks into a pub for a drink and finds himself next to an older woman sitting at the counter.

He starts a conversation and she tells him she's sixty two. She looks pretty darn hot for sixty two. She's drinking quite a bit and, while they're chatting, she comes right out and asks him if he's ever had a 'sportsman's double' – a mother and daughter threesome.

He says no, but she might be able to talk him into it. So she slams back one last drink, wipes her mouth and, looking directly into his eyes, says, "Tonight's your lucky night."

So they go back to her place. She clicks on the hall light right as they enter her place, and she shouts upstairs:

"Mom! You still awake?"