My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion.
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife, noticing, asked me with narrowed eyes, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look man, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The bewildered passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
"Sorry” the driver sighed. “It's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last twenty-five years.”
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered from a real word. Some are terrifically innovative!
Intaxication
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation
Coming back to life as a hillbilly
Bozone (n.)
The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future
Cashtration (n.)
The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time
Giraffiti
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it
Inoculatte
To take coffee intravenously when you are running late
Hipatitis
Terminal coolness
Osteopornosis
A degenerate disease (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer
Decafalon (n.)
The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
Glibido
All talk and no action
Dopeler Effect
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
Arachnoleptic Fit (n.)
The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web
Beelzebug (n.)
Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out
Caterpallor (n.)
The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating
Ignoranus
A person who's both stupid and an asshole
