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Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Marwadi at its best
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Naughty Cartoon
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Thursday, November 26, 2009
Boxes of 3, 6 & 12 !!!!
| WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12 |
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Monday, September 07, 2009
Mad Cow
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself."
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Indian way of doing Business
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House
in D.C. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third from
China.
They go with a White House officer to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some
measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I
figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my
team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then
says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my
team and $100 profit for me)".
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers, " $ 2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the
other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and
we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
Done!" replies the government official.
Monday, August 31, 2009
sardar jokes..........
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it
o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but? ?
how much is DRIVING salary...?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night
when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light is
not
needed!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other
to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and
cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....
************ ********* ********* ************ *****
Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says,
"chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the
conclusion.. .... ...... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut -
it
becomes deaf......" ************ ********* ********* ********* ********
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.
......
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam
the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father in
the
essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS
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FW: Female Compassion
The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'
The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been f****d?'
The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, 'No.'
She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'
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Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Susie the Sexy Secretary...
"Susie, honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once."
"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You aren't sterile....."
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Fw: Ole and Sven
Ole and Sven were fishing in the Minnesota opener when Sven pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.
'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' Ole replied. Reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter. But it wasn't a regular Bic lighter – this one was 10 inches long.
'Yiminy cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'
'Vell,' replied Ole, 'I got it from my genie.'
'You haff a genie?' Sven asked.
'Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box,' said Ole.
'Could I see him?'
Ole opened his tackle box and sure enough, out popped the genie.
Addressing the genie, Sven said, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'
'Yes, I will,' said the Genie.
So Sven asked the genie for a million bucks.
The genie disappeared back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkened and was filled with the sound of a million ducks...flying directly overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks, Sven yelled at Ole, 'Yumpin' Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
Ole answered, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
The Ballerina in the Bar
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit, as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed 'Give the ballerina a drink!'
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?'
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, 'Give the ballerina another drink!'
The bartender approached the little drunk and said 'Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?'
The drunk replied, 'Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!'
Fw: The Blind Man and the Bus
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband, annoyed by the constant clicking of the blind man's stick, says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber on the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy!
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus! So shut up and keep walking!"
Reverend John Fluff
One day, he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.
The Reverend wasn't happy.
He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.
'Miss Fitzgerald,' he said sternly. 'This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?'
'Sure,' she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.
The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her.
When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The pub landlord looked over and said, 'Mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub.'
The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, 'But - but you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fluff!'
The landlord nodded and said, 'Well…if you're that far in, you might as well finish.'
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Royalty On Board
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a queen, so I outrank you. Tray up, bitch.'
No colour
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Dentist's Appointment
Scrooge phones a dentist to enquire about the cost of a tooth extraction.
"It's 5000 pounds for an extraction, sir," the dentist replies.
"5000 pounds! " Scrooge exclaims. "Have you not got anything cheaper?"
"That's the normal charge," says the dentist.
"What if you didn't use any anaesthetic?"
"That's unusual sir… I could do it and knock 1500 off - but it would be quite painful."
"What about if you used one of your dentist trainees and still didn't use an anaesthetic?"
"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it will still be extremely painful, but the price could drop to 2000 pounds".
"How about if you make it a training session, and your student does the extraction with the other students watching and learning?
"It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist, "but you must understand that it's going to be very traumatic as well as really, really painful. But I'll charge you 500."
"Ah, now you're talking! It's a deal," said Scrooge. "Can you confirm an appointment for my wife next Tuesday then?"
Oye balle balle!
Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha ha ha ha!
Police: Kyon hans rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subah 9 baje hun!
Sardar and Home
Man: Sardarji, aapko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC ke paas jaake baithh jaata hun.
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun!
Sardar and Prayer
A sardar prays daily for two hours: "He Vahe Guru, meri lottery laga de."
11 years of praying later, an annoyed Vahe Guru appears and says,"Khoti de puttar, ek vari ticket to le le!"
Sardar and Hitler
Sardar: Ab bolne se kya faayda? Jab kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na!"
Friday, July 10, 2009
IT Support
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as News 5.0, Money 3.0 and Cricket 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
A Disgruntled Female Customer
REPLY FROM IT TECHNICAL SUPPORT
Dear Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update in conjunction with these.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances install Mother-in-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.
Good luck Madam!
Tech Support Team
Old Timer
Old timer : 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going'.
Young guy : 'That's okay. That's a coincidence, though I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'
Old timer : 'Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?'
Young guy : 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a red halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?'
Old timer : 'Doesn't matter - let's look for yours.'
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Afraid of Satan?
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone began to scream and run for the back entrance, nearly trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked..
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for forty-eight years.'
The Value of A Drink
THE VALUE OF A DRINK
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
~ Frank Sinatra
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
And finally, here's the Value of Drinking, as explained by Cliff Clavin of Cheers:
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it's the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
The Painting
The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willy.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
"In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink willy also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted the picture," he replied. "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."
Molly the Camel
A new Army Captain is assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert.
During his first inspection of the outfit, he notices a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
The nervous sergeant says, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly the camel."
The Captain says, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'
About a month later, the Captain begins to have his own 'urges'. Crazed with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.
The Captain places a ladder against the camel's, climbs up it, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane sex with Molly.
When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, 'That was amazing! Is that how the men do it?'
'No sir," the Sergeant replies 'They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are.'
Friday, July 03, 2009
Sardarji returns
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White
Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay.. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay... Bombay"
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"
Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA, RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!
Sardar:Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".
(Had never thought of it)
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is Orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE
The Nun and the Cabbie
She asks him why he is staring.
She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you've been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: No. 1, you have to be single and No. 2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party.'
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Afraid of Satan?
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone began to scream and run for the back entrance, nearly trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked..
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for forty-eight years.'
The Husband Store
INSTRUCTIONS
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE.
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband…
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 These men have jobs and love the Lord.
*********
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going
*********
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
*********
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
*********
Floor 6 You are visitor No. 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
*********
Send this to all the men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth !
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The kiss of revenge
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
As their decision was personal and of a delicate nature, the husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honour their secret.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! Friends and relatives went on and on about his youthful beauty.
The man was overcome with emotion at his wife's sacrifice. Alone with her one evening, he said, 'Sweetheart, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?'
'Darling,' she replied, 'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.'
Golf mishap
One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.
But he was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands between his legs. At her persistence, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Neighbour
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts. They are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'
Clearing his throat, he stammered, 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming…that was me.'
Thursday, June 25, 2009
The Hypnotist
It was opening night at the Orpheum theatre and the Amazing Eileen was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff.
As the Amazing Eileen took to the stage, she announced, ''Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.''
The excitement was almost electric as the Amazing Eileen withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from her coat.
''I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations.''
She began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, ''Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch... ''.
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
''Shit!!'' exclaimed the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the theatre.
